Do you know how to discuss alcohol use with your child and where to get information to help you?

Talk to your child about alcohol. For many parents, bringing up the subject of alcohol is difficult. Your teen may try to dodge the discussion, and you yourself may feel unsure about how to proceed. To boost your chances for a productive conversation, take some time to think through the issues you want to discuss before you talk with your child. Also, think about how your child might react and ways you might respond to your child’s questions and feelings. Then choose a time to talk when both you and your child have some “down time” and are feeling relaxed.

Keep in mind that you don’t need to cover everything at once. In fact, you’re likely to have a greater impact on your child’s drinking by having a number of talks about alcohol use throughout his or her adolescence. Think of this discussion with your child as the first part of an ongoing conversation. And remember—do make it a conversation, not a lecture! In initiating conversations about alcohol with youth, consider the following:

• Listen. The key to effective communicating is being a good listener. With kids, it is important to make the time to listen to them, especially when they’re ready to talk; responding with “just a minute” or “not right now” only discourages them from opening up to you. When your kids want to talk, try to drop what you’re doing and devote your full attention to what they are saying.
• Know what to say. You’ve listened and now you want to try to get the conversation going. Perhaps most important is finding your own words, times and places that are comfortable for you to talk.
• Make time. Establishing regular “together time” with your child does a lot to encourage talking. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—taking a walk, going out for ice cream, or being together in the car when it’s just the two of you are all great opportunities to listen. Remember, if your child isn’t in the habit of opening up with you, be patient.
• Talk one on one. If you have more than one child, try to talk to each one separately, even when it’s about the same topic. Children of varied ages are often at different developmental levels and need different information, have different sensitivities and require different vocabularies.

In talking with your child, consider the social norms with alcohol that prevail in your community. How acceptable is the use of alcohol in your community? Are policies regarding underage alcohol use enforced in your community? Are efforts being taken to change the social norms that dominate the culture? Showing that you are interested in these issues shows your child your commitment to reduce underage drinking in your community.

For more facts about adolescent binge drinking, see:

• Defining Adolescent Binge Drinking
• The Problem
• Consequences

Learn the warning signs of adolescent alcohol use and act promptly to get help. The warning signs of alcohol use may be hard to identify in adolescents, especially since many symptoms also reflect normal teenage growing pains. Experts believe that a drinking problem is more likely if you notice several of these signs at the same time, if they occur suddenly, and if some of them are extreme in nature.

• Mood changes: flare-ups of temper, irritability, and defensiveness.
• School problems: poor attendance, low grades, and/or recent disciplinary action.
• Rebelling against family, school, or societal rules or authority figures.
• Switching friends, along with a reluctance to have you get to know the new friends.
• A “nothing matters” attitude: sloppy appearance, a lack of involvement in former interests, and general low energy.
• Finding alcohol in your child’s room or backpack, or smelling alcohol on his or her breath.
• Physical or mental problems: memory lapses, poor concentration, bloodshot eyes, lack of coordination, or slurred speech.

Keep track of your child’s activities. Be aware of your child’s plans and whereabouts. Generally, your child will be more open to your supervision if he or she feels you are keeping tabs because you care, not because you distrust him or her.

When your son or daughter returns from going out at night, have some contact with him or her. Elicit a brief conversation when your teen gets home to find out if a good time was had and how things went in general. While doing so, note any signs of alcohol or drug use — either in your teen or in his or her friends—and address them immediately.

If it’s not possible to stay awake to greet your teen, consider setting an alarm clock for curfew time so you can greet your teen when he or she comes home. If you prefer not to be awakened during the night, tell your teen that you are going to set an alarm clock for a time shortly after curfew. Expect your teen to come quietly into your room and turn off the alarm. In this way, if the curfew is observed, you will not be awakened. If, on the other hand, your teen is not home when he or she should be, you will know because the alarm will go off at the curfew time. Be sure to have a brief conservation in the morning to find out how your teen’s night went.

Develop family rules about underage drinking. When you establish clear “no alcohol” rules and expectations, your child is less likely to begin drinking. While each family should develop agreements about teen alcohol use that reflect their own beliefs and values, some possible family rules about drinking include the following:

• Your child will not drink alcohol until he or she is 21.
• Older siblings will not encourage younger brothers or sisters to drink and will not give them alcohol.
• Your child will not stay at teen parties where alcohol is served.
• Your child will not ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking.

Once you have chosen rules for your family, you will need to establish appropriate consequences for breaking those rules. Be sure to choose a penalty that you are willing to carry out. Also, don’t make the consequences so harsh that they become a barrier to open communication between you and your child. The idea is to make the penalty “sting” just enough to make your child think twice about breaking the rule. A possible consequence might be temporary restrictions on your child’s socializing. Finally, you must be prepared to consistently enforce the consequences you have established. If your children know that they will lose certain privileges each and every time an alcohol use rule is broken, they will be more likely to keep their agreements.

Set a good example. Parents and guardians are important role models for their children—even children who are fast becoming teenagers. Studies indicate that if a parent uses alcohol his or her children are more likely to drink, themselves. But even if you use alcohol, there may be ways to lessen the likelihood that your child will drink. Some suggestions include the following:

• Use alcohol moderately.
• Don’t communicate to your child that alcohol is a good way to handle problems. For example, don’t come home from work and say, “I had a rotten day. I need a drink.” Instead, let your child see that you have other, healthier ways to cope with stress, such as exercise; listening to music; or talking things over with your spouse, partner, or friend.
• Don’t tell your kids stories about your own drinking in a way that conveys the message that alcohol use is funny or glamorous.
• Never drink and drive or ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking.
• When you entertain other adults, make available alcohol-free beverages and plenty of food. If anyone drinks too much at your party, make arrangements for them to get home safely.

For more information of strategies to talk to your child about alcohol, see the following link:http://www.alcoholfreechildren.org/en/pubs/pdf/makeadifference.pdf